Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Getting more and more


I started off my day with email from my ex-boss or my co-writer for the paper that I'm currently working on. He was asking the update of the paper and whether I could finish it off in 2 weeks time. Suddenly I feel so pressured because of the email. I thought I could avoid him since he is away from the office but I was wrong since he could email me =(((..

I feel pressured that I even cried in the office since I did not yet finish the paper. Currently I am writing the research methodology, but I told him that I'm putting the analysis part of the paper. How I wish writing academic paper is as easy as writing blog. How I wish.. Sometimes I just doubted myself if I have chose the wrong field for myself to develop. But then I keep on thinking what my ex-boss said about me.

He said that I have the potential to excel in this field, which is academic field. I am still learning to love what I do. Sometimes I feel good about research, but then when I face difficulties I feel like quitting everything at that moment.

Everyday is a new challenge for me. Today I have lots of work to be settled (contact hospitals for interview, arrange for payment to supplier, make claims for travel, apply to buy equipment, get the dean's sign, etc etc.) but then because of the email, I couldn't focus on my work. I always being interrupted by the administration work that I have to do and the noisy sound from the construction site in front of the school. I really can't focus on my research job.

Then in the afternoon, my boss asked me to send her to PJ to pick up her car from service. We went out for lunch, of course she paid it for me and then we went to the service centre. After coming back from there, I didn't go to the office because I have promised my friends to get them out because I was supposed to go lunch with them but I went with my boss. So then we went to Gloria Jeans coffee to have some chilling moment and enjoy our time plus to release the stress that is mounting up.

Sometimes this research makes me hard to smile because my brain couldn't stop working and thinking about it. Because it is something unsettled, so that's why I think my brain keep on working on it.

I always forget about little things, sometimes the feeling of forgotten everything is driving me crazy. Actually I have locked the door, or switched the aircond off but I am doubting myself whether I did all those thing or not. Today I was home early because I drive my brother's car to the office and to avoid traffic jam I have to go home early. After getting done with my shower and prayer, I was 'was-was' if I have lock the door or not. Because of that, I grab my helmet and have a ride to UM just to check that small thing.

Sometimes I feel tired because of it. And I wonder if my friends who are working in the private sectors having same problem like me. I am wonder.. I just wonder.

When my boss said, she want me to get some literature review, I offer myself to write the paper. Because I wanted to learn from her, the style she's using to start up with the writing. Though I am writing the paper right now, but it's of different field and different person. So, I guess the style must be different. Something that I should learn to broaden my knowledge and skills, at the same time improving my resume later when the paper got published.

I really hope to finish this one as fast as possible, with Allah's will.

Just now I feel so pressured, but I think if I write down about it, I would feel better and less pressured.

So, let's get moving, girl!

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