Friday, June 20, 2014

Mix feeling


This week was full of surprises and hectic as well.

I was so busy this week, with the admin stuffs that need to settle before I went to Penang on Tuesday and Wednesday. After coming back from Penang, I was so stressed out with the workload. Going out for fieldwork is not preferable when you have tonnes of other work that need to be settled.

For the Penang Port visit, we managed to nail it even without the boss. Now I know the hikmah of always going out and accompany the boss for the meeting. I got to expose myself to different fields and learn how to talk to different people in different areas, through the researches that we are currently doing.

I've experienced lots of interview sessions, be it with government agency or private companies. I can see myself changing and transforming to a better ones. I am more confident of asking or interrupting the person, just to ask for the questions. Thanks to le boss who always give me opportunity and seek for my questions for every discussion.

Among the interviews that I have been are with: 2 depots companies in Port Klang, Port Klang Authority, HUSM, Hospital Pakar Al-Islam, PPUM, Northport and the latest one is Penang Port. The experience helped me a lot during the interviews. I can proudly say that I was satisfied with the interview. The interviewee thought that I was the lecturer, when in fact I was just an assistant.


Last night I was so stressed out knowing that I need to contact the ports and companies in Netherland, France and Belgium for the Europe trip in this coming September. My boss really loves to give me these kind of task. I am fine with the sending fax, email or letter, but not to follow them up. I can be so stress doing that. Calling people is my last-resort. I just hate it when they didn't answer, or they just drop my call. It happens all the time. My experience of contacting the companies for seminar, or for the interviews, they don't really entertain the researcher. Maybe they just don't see the benefits of research to them.

What I really need now is just a block of time and space so that I can peacefully focus on my research project. i just so in need of time. I can do all the admin work, provided I have enough time for my research part.
I just pray that I will be more efficient and will be granted the patience to handle all these.

I just can't wait to have the title. Today I got an email from one of the co-researcher from unirazak.. He called me as Dr. Izzah. I just don't know how to say but it gives me such the comfort that I need. I know I can do it and will get the title soon. insya Allah

Wednesday, June 11, 2014



I don't know why my stress level is so high tonight. I can feel the butterflies non-stop flying inside. I just don't like it. My heart beats faster than usual and I wonder if my blood pressure is high currently. Blogging is one of my own way to cool down myself. I feel so much relieved after I write something on the blog and I hope no one is reading this.

I am so stress after today's conversation with le boss. My boss told me that she and the other RA are going international, and when is my turn to go for international level. With the current burden of work, plus that statement, I feel so depressed and sad at the same time. I need to publish my work, but I don't have much time to write since my writing speed is so slow. I need more solid time frame to focus and do my writing. I can't do writing in the office. :(( I need a peaceful and privacy to do my writing, which I usually do in the midnight.

Sometimes I just can't wait to finish the work and go off for 1 month holiday. I miss the time where I used to have so much free time. I just wanna drop off eveything and go for holiday.

How I wish I could make the time move faster, at the same time I wanna have 40 hours time per day, so i could handle everything.. :(( I know it's the matter of how you manage everything, but I know my limit. The current burden is unbearable, at least for me.

Allah.. time is the biggest constraint that I have as of now.

I can't imagine how my life looks like in 10 years time.

I just pray that Allah will grant me the patience to handle the work, plus the incoming masters studies in september.. may Allah eases everything.

I should update my CV of what I am doing now so later I feel so much at ease, knowing I didn't waste my time by being an RA.

Being in the pathway to be an academician, is a very challenging way and yet slow moving to the top.

Just be patient for another 2 years and I will finish everything off before pursuing Phd in UK. that's my target. Yes. I will get it before my age turns to 30.

Sometimes I feel like quitting but I know I can't, I love to teach and that is the only reason why I am still working to be an academician. I've been working for almost 9 months now and I know the beginning is always the hardest part of everything. I know I am still in the beginning year of my career, so just bear with it.

I need more pull and push factor to get me to the top, as soon as possible. I know that I can do this. It's just a matter of time.