Monday, March 17, 2014

Life is changing


I don't really care if this blog doesn't have any viewer since this is my open diary. I write for myself and just recently dedicated this blog to the journey of my career as to become a lecturer one day. I was inspired by my boss who got his PhD at the age of 28 and appointed as Professor at the age of 43. That is quite impressive.

My posts may not be grammatically correct but who cares right?

Back to the story, yesterday was an achievement though it was quite tiring day. I managed to organise the seminar successfully. Alhamdulillah, at least we got some people from the big companies to speak up in the seminar. Plus I got to build my networking with a few companies. Didn't talk much to them, only got their namecard.

End of seminar, my boss told me to have a day off. But today I came to work to return the laptop that was borrowed for the seminar.

Now I am so lazy to do anything. Supposedly I have to settle my proposal for my master, and do lots of claim (parking, settle with hotel, buy printers, scanners, and settle a few other things). I still have to finish my paper for my ex-boss. The paper was delayed for half a month now.. I think need to send email to him. Yes I need to.


I was thinking with my current life, I don't think I will get married within this 2-3 years. I have no time even for my family, how can I start a new family with this limited time that I have? I feel sad for most of my friends are now married and getting their child. My facebook friends' update has also changed to be more matured conversation. I still can't accept that we are now a matured young lady, not the high school kid anymore. The time flew so fast.. But here I am, stuck with my uncertain career path, and all my updates are all about my working life. I think my friends would think that I'm such a boring person. Maybe, but who cares? My target is getting PhD before the age of 30.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

A busy-bee


It has been a very very busy week. With the seminar is upcoming this Monday, I felt like a week just passed just like that. I had butterfly in my stomach since Monday, because I just realised the seminar is just around the corner. I was really worried because i didn't get in touch with the speakers much. Most of them decline the invitation to present in our seminar.

Lots of things happened this week, I lost my 16GB pendrive, partly was due to my mistake. I often removed the pendrive without safely remove it first. On the Tuesday morning, I actually connect it to the office's PC. Usually it will be detected in no time since it is USB3.0 connection. But then it appeared that the folder contains nothing, at all. I refreshed but it didn't work, then I tried to connect to other PC, and then the computer requested to format it since the pendrive has no recognized files in it.

I was so worried at that time because i have no back ups for my files especially my paper journal article. My last time back up in the laptop was months ago. That makes huge difference of files. The pendrive thing actually ruined my mood for the whole day. Plus the worry for unsettled seminar, i feel like went crazy for a while. Even when my friend was talking, I could not pay attention to and keep on thinking about the seminar and my pendrive. Without hesitation I rushed to post office to post it to my foster father back in hometown. I seek his help to repair my pendrive. Later when my dad actually take a look at the pendrive, it seemed that I have no chance at all to get back all my files. But the situation has been expected so I wasn't as sad as the day before. I guess that was because I actually find that I did back up my writing in my desktop.. Thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah. Just need to get the articles from the internet and settle my paper. But I lost my analysis. That is pretty sad.

Then my week goes on with the frustration since I got rejected for MARA application. I applied for masters program in my university. I got official unconditional offer but then I need to find sponsor. I applied MARA and the result came out on wednesday. I was so sad and frustrated for the whole day, but then I remember that this is not the end of everything. Maybe He has something better for me, I just keep myself thinking positively about the things happened to me.

For the past few weeks I have been doing too many administration work, its just too many and I got no time for the research part. Need to balance out my research and admin work. For now the progress on the research of competition of land public transport is quite slow. Still trying hard to get the data, and still contacting the hospitals for the interview for Islamic Medical Tourism. may Allah eases everything

I'm going off for 9 days, in fact 10 days for a very long breaakkk to be spent at home: attending cousin and friend's wedding, visit my friend's newborn baby and also do research at the hospital. Will come to the office on the 1st April.

I just realized that this coming 23rd of March would be my 1/2 year anniversary of my working life. Congratulations to myself for being survival in the world.

Actually the reason why I wrote this post is for something else but maybe next time I will write a long story about how the government people work-the one that I'm facing every single day at the office. It is a very stressful life to deal with people like that. They really love to make our life hard.. I pray to Allah that I won't be like them, I don't want people to say that I'm working too slow, I am not easy-going person who are reluctant to lend in a hand. I don't wanna be person like that. 

Monday, March 3, 2014

The peak

I was so stress today knowing the bureaucracy is just unbearable anymore. Maybe this is the worst case I have ever encounter from my first day of working, until today. I wrote this on my FB.

Catatan dari research:

dari 2 minggu lepas aku deal dengan sebuah hospital kerajaan di Terengganu, untuk request for interview. A very short interview indeed, just wanna know the perspectives of management with regards to Islamic medical practice. No data from hospital is required. This project is funded by the government, tapi Allah saja tahu birokrasinya. Padahal berurusan sesama agensi kerajaan. Ceritanya begini..

Setelah beberapa kali follow up utk application dengan hospital, hari ni dapat call dari hospital tersebut, the person in charge cakap kena register kat NMRR (National Medical Research Register) as a researcher and get the ethics approval then only you can do research in hospital. I was like, ok I don't think this would take long.. bole la register kejap and then proceed dengan hospital terus.

But then after I registered and sign up an account there, I found that I didn't even complete a quarter of it.

Masa register dah memang banyak column tak berkenaan la sebab research project ni non-clinical, soalan kat situ sume pasal medical. Lepas sign up and get researcher ID, kena proceed dengan application for ethics approval. Kena isi nama hospital tu, and print satu form which Principal investigator (my boss) kena sign + chop, kemudian HOD hospital sign, then pengarah hospital kena sign.

After I get all those signatures, I have to scan and upload the form into the system and attach with research proposal, CV, and a letter why I want to apply for ethics approval. The application will then be reviewed by 3 agencies (I can't remember) but of total 35 working days at maximum to be processed --> Tahun depan belum tentu dapat sign diorang tu semua..

conclusion senang je, patutla negara kita stay developing country, even kalau bagi 100% expenditures negara utk RnD pun kita takkan kemana, sebab rakyat masih mentaliti di takuk lama.. semua pun paper-based, full of bureaucracies.

Usahkan gomen, private pun sama je tak bagi kerjasama.. macamana nak keluar dari middle income trap? You tell me.


I never expect the process will be like hell. I understand that we need the approval from the director of the hospital but to go through all the hassles of those application forms, I think not worth it.. We just need 30 minutes to max. of 1 hour interview with the stakeholders aka management of the hospital but to get the approval it may take for months. I was like so bengang and seriously lar, why the government wastes money for RnD since we won't improve our country. Our people's mind wouldn't change. We have first class facility with third class mentality and crap system. Middle income trap is just another name for our country. We wouldn't be escape out of it, with the debt that we have right now it seems impossible to be a developed country.

Say bye-bye to Wawasan 2020. Welcome to the suffering decade everyone.