Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
After all the hassles of phone calls to the hospitals, I did receive positive reply - they agree to be interviewed. But it is of short notice. Really.
The interviewee agreed to be interviewed but then it is tomorrow! Which means 9 hours from now. I was really tired today. Lots of things need to settle (tapi tak settle pun) and then when he said just come tomorrow. Without hesitation I said yes, sure we'll come. The time is determined by him - 9 oclock in the morning.
I then whatsapp my team mate, informing her about the interview. My team mate says that she need to send her daughter to nursery and maybe a bit late for the interview. OMG. I can't believe that I'm going to face the interview alone. Before this I was just an assistant. I din't expect that I need to study this topic in depth.
That was before I know about in-depth interview. It requires you to have knowledge about the topics and you know how to tackle the interviewee and ask them more when they say something. It is not as straight-forward as questionnaires. The answer from interviewee is open-ended and the next question is lead by the interviewer.
That is the most challenging part of in-depth interview. Because if you don't know how to lead the conversation, it may goes on and on to other topics which might not relevant to the research topics and objectives.You might end up having 2 hours of interview with no points relevant to the topic.
Just now I feel confident enough to face the interviewee. He's the head of public relation department in one of reputable government hospital in KL. Initially I was relieved when my boss said she will go to the interview with me but then my boss has other commitment and couldn't make it. Sobs.. Sometimes I feel not confident enough for the interview.
O Allah, ease my day tomorrow.
I need to get enough rest to face hectic day tomorrow.
I have to handle admin stuffs for 6 different grants/projects. And do research for 2 projects, plus my own paper that I am currently writing, and I am organizing seminar for 30 people on March 17, so I need to invite them, prepare letter for permission of organizing seminar, arrange for the guests transport - since they're coming from Penang, and other universities, pay claims for them, book hotel, prepare booklets and everything for the seminar.
If total up the amount of the 6 grants it could worth half of million ringgit. It's quite hectic to manage all those and I need to learn to manage things more effectively. Lots of bureaucracy and filing and forms and letters before everything could be approved. Usually an RA only manage 1 project, do research based on that project and do admin work for that sole project.
It's not easy but I believe there is hikmah in everything. With difficulties come opportunities, with difficulties come easiness. Just trust that Izzah!
p/s; the more hectic my life is, the more frequent I will keep my update here. Love to write things here, as not many people read it and for my open-secret-diary thing that I will treasure it soon when I'm up there. insya Allah peduli dengan grammar tunggang langgang, as long as I understand. hehe
Monday, February 17, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Postgraduate
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
When I finished my undergraduate, I have no plan of continuing to higher level of education. I choose to work instead.
My ambition and dream have always be a lecturer. But in order to be that, I need to have completed my doctoral degree. Working for my ex-boss for 4 months gives me a lot of exposure to the lecturer's life. It seems not quite easy but I think quite relaxing if you already in higher level, such as a Professor. I feel more and more inspired to be one.
To be in that position is not easy. It costs me more and more of sleepless night, no more weekends and more of stayback and work in the office. On average I will be home around 6@7 pm, I am not brave enough to go back later than that since I have no access card to the main door of the office, plus I am scared of the road and darkness of the night.
Initially I planned to work for 2 years as research assistant and write as many papers as I could. But then after I am a bit frustrated with the work that I could not be officially appointed, I tried to google for few universities around UK to apply for. But somehow i didn't match the qualification stated there. Because of that, I decided to apply for unsw, which is my former university. A lot easier to apply since I have already studied there before, they know my English level so I don't need to go through any English test anymore. Much better than UK. After all, I'm still hoping and aiming for Uk, at least for my PhD.
Then I emailed the school to ask for closing date for application to UNSW, but they give me offer of application fees being waived. I am not quite sure why they give me fee waiver, is it because I was UNSW's student before? Maybe yes.. Without the fee waiver, an application would cost me AUD50=RM150++.. That's quite expensive.
For now, let's hope for the best. I applied for mara for the loan. If I could get mara, I won't be hesitate to stay here since the work is too tense and I feel pressured of studying for Masters degree. MBA seems quite impossible with too much hassle and ridiculous requirement. They even ask for 3 years of work experience before I can apply for MBA. Not that I am underestimating the course, but the students' quality is too bad, from my experience dealing with their exam papers. It is not up to the standard of masters student that I was expecting. So what's the point of putting higher requirement when the students' quality is not up to the standard?
I am so sad to think I could not pursue my masters in Um because I already fall in love with my working space, my work and I want to be able to study and work at the same time. I think UM is the best place to do research because it has a good name globally, and I love the environment of UM. Bak kata student UM, Once UM, always UM. haha I guess I just be part of it.
I hope I can do better for my masters. I applied for specialisation in banking, and also economics and finance but it is for different semesters.
I hope I could pursue it in July semester. By December next year I should be able to pass everything and come back home. Or maybe I should work harder and apply for working in Aussie? That would be wonderful.
I should start writing my PhD proposal later when I start off my masters degree. I will find any gap of the study and do my research on it. Yes, I should.
Hoping for the best to finish my paper tomorrow. Let's hope that I will... insya Allah
Izzah.
When I finished my undergraduate, I have no plan of continuing to higher level of education. I choose to work instead.
My ambition and dream have always be a lecturer. But in order to be that, I need to have completed my doctoral degree. Working for my ex-boss for 4 months gives me a lot of exposure to the lecturer's life. It seems not quite easy but I think quite relaxing if you already in higher level, such as a Professor. I feel more and more inspired to be one.
To be in that position is not easy. It costs me more and more of sleepless night, no more weekends and more of stayback and work in the office. On average I will be home around 6@7 pm, I am not brave enough to go back later than that since I have no access card to the main door of the office, plus I am scared of the road and darkness of the night.
Initially I planned to work for 2 years as research assistant and write as many papers as I could. But then after I am a bit frustrated with the work that I could not be officially appointed, I tried to google for few universities around UK to apply for. But somehow i didn't match the qualification stated there. Because of that, I decided to apply for unsw, which is my former university. A lot easier to apply since I have already studied there before, they know my English level so I don't need to go through any English test anymore. Much better than UK. After all, I'm still hoping and aiming for Uk, at least for my PhD.
Then I emailed the school to ask for closing date for application to UNSW, but they give me offer of application fees being waived. I am not quite sure why they give me fee waiver, is it because I was UNSW's student before? Maybe yes.. Without the fee waiver, an application would cost me AUD50=RM150++.. That's quite expensive.
For now, let's hope for the best. I applied for mara for the loan. If I could get mara, I won't be hesitate to stay here since the work is too tense and I feel pressured of studying for Masters degree. MBA seems quite impossible with too much hassle and ridiculous requirement. They even ask for 3 years of work experience before I can apply for MBA. Not that I am underestimating the course, but the students' quality is too bad, from my experience dealing with their exam papers. It is not up to the standard of masters student that I was expecting. So what's the point of putting higher requirement when the students' quality is not up to the standard?
I am so sad to think I could not pursue my masters in Um because I already fall in love with my working space, my work and I want to be able to study and work at the same time. I think UM is the best place to do research because it has a good name globally, and I love the environment of UM. Bak kata student UM, Once UM, always UM. haha I guess I just be part of it.
I hope I can do better for my masters. I applied for specialisation in banking, and also economics and finance but it is for different semesters.
I hope I could pursue it in July semester. By December next year I should be able to pass everything and come back home. Or maybe I should work harder and apply for working in Aussie? That would be wonderful.
I should start writing my PhD proposal later when I start off my masters degree. I will find any gap of the study and do my research on it. Yes, I should.
Hoping for the best to finish my paper tomorrow. Let's hope that I will... insya Allah
Izzah.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Getting more and more
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
I started off my day with email from my ex-boss or my co-writer for the paper that I'm currently working on. He was asking the update of the paper and whether I could finish it off in 2 weeks time. Suddenly I feel so pressured because of the email. I thought I could avoid him since he is away from the office but I was wrong since he could email me =(((..
I feel pressured that I even cried in the office since I did not yet finish the paper. Currently I am writing the research methodology, but I told him that I'm putting the analysis part of the paper. How I wish writing academic paper is as easy as writing blog. How I wish.. Sometimes I just doubted myself if I have chose the wrong field for myself to develop. But then I keep on thinking what my ex-boss said about me.
He said that I have the potential to excel in this field, which is academic field. I am still learning to love what I do. Sometimes I feel good about research, but then when I face difficulties I feel like quitting everything at that moment.
Everyday is a new challenge for me. Today I have lots of work to be settled (contact hospitals for interview, arrange for payment to supplier, make claims for travel, apply to buy equipment, get the dean's sign, etc etc.) but then because of the email, I couldn't focus on my work. I always being interrupted by the administration work that I have to do and the noisy sound from the construction site in front of the school. I really can't focus on my research job.
Then in the afternoon, my boss asked me to send her to PJ to pick up her car from service. We went out for lunch, of course she paid it for me and then we went to the service centre. After coming back from there, I didn't go to the office because I have promised my friends to get them out because I was supposed to go lunch with them but I went with my boss. So then we went to Gloria Jeans coffee to have some chilling moment and enjoy our time plus to release the stress that is mounting up.
Sometimes this research makes me hard to smile because my brain couldn't stop working and thinking about it. Because it is something unsettled, so that's why I think my brain keep on working on it.
I always forget about little things, sometimes the feeling of forgotten everything is driving me crazy. Actually I have locked the door, or switched the aircond off but I am doubting myself whether I did all those thing or not. Today I was home early because I drive my brother's car to the office and to avoid traffic jam I have to go home early. After getting done with my shower and prayer, I was 'was-was' if I have lock the door or not. Because of that, I grab my helmet and have a ride to UM just to check that small thing.
Sometimes I feel tired because of it. And I wonder if my friends who are working in the private sectors having same problem like me. I am wonder.. I just wonder.
When my boss said, she want me to get some literature review, I offer myself to write the paper. Because I wanted to learn from her, the style she's using to start up with the writing. Though I am writing the paper right now, but it's of different field and different person. So, I guess the style must be different. Something that I should learn to broaden my knowledge and skills, at the same time improving my resume later when the paper got published.
I really hope to finish this one as fast as possible, with Allah's will.
Just now I feel so pressured, but I think if I write down about it, I would feel better and less pressured.
So, let's get moving, girl!
I started off my day with email from my ex-boss or my co-writer for the paper that I'm currently working on. He was asking the update of the paper and whether I could finish it off in 2 weeks time. Suddenly I feel so pressured because of the email. I thought I could avoid him since he is away from the office but I was wrong since he could email me =(((..
I feel pressured that I even cried in the office since I did not yet finish the paper. Currently I am writing the research methodology, but I told him that I'm putting the analysis part of the paper. How I wish writing academic paper is as easy as writing blog. How I wish.. Sometimes I just doubted myself if I have chose the wrong field for myself to develop. But then I keep on thinking what my ex-boss said about me.
He said that I have the potential to excel in this field, which is academic field. I am still learning to love what I do. Sometimes I feel good about research, but then when I face difficulties I feel like quitting everything at that moment.
Everyday is a new challenge for me. Today I have lots of work to be settled (contact hospitals for interview, arrange for payment to supplier, make claims for travel, apply to buy equipment, get the dean's sign, etc etc.) but then because of the email, I couldn't focus on my work. I always being interrupted by the administration work that I have to do and the noisy sound from the construction site in front of the school. I really can't focus on my research job.
Then in the afternoon, my boss asked me to send her to PJ to pick up her car from service. We went out for lunch, of course she paid it for me and then we went to the service centre. After coming back from there, I didn't go to the office because I have promised my friends to get them out because I was supposed to go lunch with them but I went with my boss. So then we went to Gloria Jeans coffee to have some chilling moment and enjoy our time plus to release the stress that is mounting up.
Sometimes this research makes me hard to smile because my brain couldn't stop working and thinking about it. Because it is something unsettled, so that's why I think my brain keep on working on it.
I always forget about little things, sometimes the feeling of forgotten everything is driving me crazy. Actually I have locked the door, or switched the aircond off but I am doubting myself whether I did all those thing or not. Today I was home early because I drive my brother's car to the office and to avoid traffic jam I have to go home early. After getting done with my shower and prayer, I was 'was-was' if I have lock the door or not. Because of that, I grab my helmet and have a ride to UM just to check that small thing.
Sometimes I feel tired because of it. And I wonder if my friends who are working in the private sectors having same problem like me. I am wonder.. I just wonder.
When my boss said, she want me to get some literature review, I offer myself to write the paper. Because I wanted to learn from her, the style she's using to start up with the writing. Though I am writing the paper right now, but it's of different field and different person. So, I guess the style must be different. Something that I should learn to broaden my knowledge and skills, at the same time improving my resume later when the paper got published.
I really hope to finish this one as fast as possible, with Allah's will.
Just now I feel so pressured, but I think if I write down about it, I would feel better and less pressured.
So, let's get moving, girl!
Monday, February 10, 2014
Sydney and life
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
I always listen to songs to boost up my mood. I love listening to songs that I love. Usually I start off my days with a few songs or sometimes repeatedly listen to the same song. Yeah, somehow it really helps to make me happy with those fast-paced songs. I feel energetic and 'wake up' from my sleep.
Tonight, I listen to this one song by Iwan (zaman dia laghoo).. Not only in the morning, I listen to youtube most of the time before I do my work- to be exact before I start my writing.. and then I just click the song next to the video on Youtube. This is dangdut song by MasIdayu. It reminds me of one of my good friend back in Australia. I really miss our times and feel like crying sometimes. Life in Malaysia is not as good as in Australia. I just hope I could back there again.
Back to story, this friend of mine is really a bright student, always study consistently and enjoyed watching Asian dramas so much. But one thing that I respect about her, she always put others before herself. She always cook something nice for us. I love the pancakes, the nasi tomato, and other food that she made. She's really a good cook. I hope she'll meet a good guy to take care of her.
Sometimes we do have 'terasa' hati but it makes our bond stronger. Why the song reminds me of her? Because she will always played the song loudly on the earphone while studying and doing the work. I think she enjoyed that way because its like she is in her own world without any external sound that might interrupt her..
I really miss our times studying, living, travelling, eating, cooking, shopping, and do everything together on that small apartment of Forsyth Street. I think the apartment is less that 600 sq ft but we love it. Small but precious. We celebrated our birthdays together. The apartment is incredibly small but we fit in 6 people inside there, just for the sake of cheaper rent rate and also due to some other reasons.
Today I got back from work around 6.45pm and now I'm here in front of laptop, trying to write something even if it is not much that I could write tonight, but I hope I can say something to myself that I have put enough effort to make sure I could get my work published before end of this month.
Writing has never been easy. And life doesn't promise you good but I believe Allah doesn't ask you for the result but how much you put in your effort in it. I just leave everything to Him after I have work hard and put my full effort in making it. Of course I can do nothing without Him at first.
Let's hope for the best. Cheers for the uncertain future and enjoy current life! Hoping to publish in ISI journal Tier 1 soon!
I always listen to songs to boost up my mood. I love listening to songs that I love. Usually I start off my days with a few songs or sometimes repeatedly listen to the same song. Yeah, somehow it really helps to make me happy with those fast-paced songs. I feel energetic and 'wake up' from my sleep.
Tonight, I listen to this one song by Iwan (zaman dia laghoo).. Not only in the morning, I listen to youtube most of the time before I do my work- to be exact before I start my writing.. and then I just click the song next to the video on Youtube. This is dangdut song by MasIdayu. It reminds me of one of my good friend back in Australia. I really miss our times and feel like crying sometimes. Life in Malaysia is not as good as in Australia. I just hope I could back there again.
Back to story, this friend of mine is really a bright student, always study consistently and enjoyed watching Asian dramas so much. But one thing that I respect about her, she always put others before herself. She always cook something nice for us. I love the pancakes, the nasi tomato, and other food that she made. She's really a good cook. I hope she'll meet a good guy to take care of her.
Sometimes we do have 'terasa' hati but it makes our bond stronger. Why the song reminds me of her? Because she will always played the song loudly on the earphone while studying and doing the work. I think she enjoyed that way because its like she is in her own world without any external sound that might interrupt her..
I really miss our times studying, living, travelling, eating, cooking, shopping, and do everything together on that small apartment of Forsyth Street. I think the apartment is less that 600 sq ft but we love it. Small but precious. We celebrated our birthdays together. The apartment is incredibly small but we fit in 6 people inside there, just for the sake of cheaper rent rate and also due to some other reasons.
Today I got back from work around 6.45pm and now I'm here in front of laptop, trying to write something even if it is not much that I could write tonight, but I hope I can say something to myself that I have put enough effort to make sure I could get my work published before end of this month.
Writing has never been easy. And life doesn't promise you good but I believe Allah doesn't ask you for the result but how much you put in your effort in it. I just leave everything to Him after I have work hard and put my full effort in making it. Of course I can do nothing without Him at first.
Let's hope for the best. Cheers for the uncertain future and enjoy current life! Hoping to publish in ISI journal Tier 1 soon!
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Frustration
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
Last weekend, I was down with fever and backpain for the whole 4 days of long weekend (CNY Hols). It waas really horrible since this is second time I feel sick after I started working last September. 4 days of sleeping and doing nothing at all. I just stayed at home with no single outing at all. My sis and I had planned lots of thing but we couldn't do it since I was sick.
I guesss after working too hard for the past week, that's the cost that I have to bear.
Last week, I tried to change my routine from working after isya', to sleeping and then wake up and work in the middle of the night. I did that during my SPM time and it was okay. I am so much fresher at midnight. I never fell sick because of it. But now maybe I've ageing so I guess that's the reason why I become sick because of my not-so-good sleep pattern. On Thursday, I woke up in the midnight and do some work, until about 6 am in the morning and subuh. I planned to sleep around 1 hour before work but I couldn't make it. So I went off for work with insufficient sleep. That night I was down with fever.
Now I still have runny nose but I don't care about it. I just take the pills whenever I remember about it. I'm a type of person who not really health conscious but when I feel sick I feel really bad about it and just wanna recover as soonest as possible.
This week has not been really good for me. Being sick, I can't do the work properly. Especially when I need to focus my ears to the interviews for transcribing purpose. It's a bit boring, I'd rather go for soo many interviews than transcribing it.
Other than that, I have a submission for my literature review, methods, results and introduction part of my zoo paper. I just copy and paste whatever I have from the journals on my MS-word without synthesizing and paraphrasing it yet. This is just LR, I haven't done anything on results part. I hope I can work on it on friday and saturday.
Later on Sunday I'm planning to go out somewhere, just to relax myself a bit from hectic and boring life of working. I think I need something relaxing but at the same time outdoor to prevent my skin from too much exposed in air-conditioned room.
Back to the story, my boss asked me to collect sample, which means going for in-depth interviews with doctors in Singapore and Bangkok for comparison study between these three countries.
Unfortunately after confirming with the university management, RA is not allowed to travel overseas under the grant. I was like, really3 frustrated. Because this would be my chance to gain more experience on interviewing and collecting sample from other countries. Plus I could go travel to my neighboring countries for the first time. I only managed to transit 2 times in Changi Airport but I didn't go to the city yet.
Sounds easy for the researcher to travel, but there's a lot of bureaucracy behind it. Lots of documents need to be filled up, and in the process you will need many signatures from those HOD to sign the forms. All those processes are really trivial because it takes so much time and makes me sick.
So here I am, writing down my frustration. I just hope I can travel around the world without thinking about work, one day insya Allah.
Last weekend, I was down with fever and backpain for the whole 4 days of long weekend (CNY Hols). It waas really horrible since this is second time I feel sick after I started working last September. 4 days of sleeping and doing nothing at all. I just stayed at home with no single outing at all. My sis and I had planned lots of thing but we couldn't do it since I was sick.
I guesss after working too hard for the past week, that's the cost that I have to bear.
Last week, I tried to change my routine from working after isya', to sleeping and then wake up and work in the middle of the night. I did that during my SPM time and it was okay. I am so much fresher at midnight. I never fell sick because of it. But now maybe I've ageing so I guess that's the reason why I become sick because of my not-so-good sleep pattern. On Thursday, I woke up in the midnight and do some work, until about 6 am in the morning and subuh. I planned to sleep around 1 hour before work but I couldn't make it. So I went off for work with insufficient sleep. That night I was down with fever.
Now I still have runny nose but I don't care about it. I just take the pills whenever I remember about it. I'm a type of person who not really health conscious but when I feel sick I feel really bad about it and just wanna recover as soonest as possible.
This week has not been really good for me. Being sick, I can't do the work properly. Especially when I need to focus my ears to the interviews for transcribing purpose. It's a bit boring, I'd rather go for soo many interviews than transcribing it.
Other than that, I have a submission for my literature review, methods, results and introduction part of my zoo paper. I just copy and paste whatever I have from the journals on my MS-word without synthesizing and paraphrasing it yet. This is just LR, I haven't done anything on results part. I hope I can work on it on friday and saturday.
Later on Sunday I'm planning to go out somewhere, just to relax myself a bit from hectic and boring life of working. I think I need something relaxing but at the same time outdoor to prevent my skin from too much exposed in air-conditioned room.
Back to the story, my boss asked me to collect sample, which means going for in-depth interviews with doctors in Singapore and Bangkok for comparison study between these three countries.
Unfortunately after confirming with the university management, RA is not allowed to travel overseas under the grant. I was like, really3 frustrated. Because this would be my chance to gain more experience on interviewing and collecting sample from other countries. Plus I could go travel to my neighboring countries for the first time. I only managed to transit 2 times in Changi Airport but I didn't go to the city yet.
Sounds easy for the researcher to travel, but there's a lot of bureaucracy behind it. Lots of documents need to be filled up, and in the process you will need many signatures from those HOD to sign the forms. All those processes are really trivial because it takes so much time and makes me sick.
So here I am, writing down my frustration. I just hope I can travel around the world without thinking about work, one day insya Allah.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Mimpikan yang indah saja..
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
This week I went to 2 places for interview session with stakeholders in Port Klang and PPUM. 1 is for the project granted under MyCC and another one under the internal research grant.
I was looking for the doctors to be interviewed but couldn't get any of it.
Right now my brain couldn't stop working and thinking about the paper that I am currently writing. I just started with the literature review but I can't focused on writing it. And I don't really know how to connect the sentence and make it a story and flow.
Most importantly, I can't focused on the paper since I need to manage and handle lots of administration work.
Currently listening to the Arjuna Beta song from Fynn Jamal. For me, this is a high quality piece of work, and it is sort of soothing me, my feeling and what I am undergoing now.
This week I went to 2 places for interview session with stakeholders in Port Klang and PPUM. 1 is for the project granted under MyCC and another one under the internal research grant.
I was looking for the doctors to be interviewed but couldn't get any of it.
Right now my brain couldn't stop working and thinking about the paper that I am currently writing. I just started with the literature review but I can't focused on writing it. And I don't really know how to connect the sentence and make it a story and flow.
Most importantly, I can't focused on the paper since I need to manage and handle lots of administration work.
Currently listening to the Arjuna Beta song from Fynn Jamal. For me, this is a high quality piece of work, and it is sort of soothing me, my feeling and what I am undergoing now.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Research is the key
Just to note Izzah,
'You're not going to do admin work for the whole life, it's not going to bring you anywhere"- prof rumi.
Only research would take you higher and up. Remember that. Just remember that in times where you may feel loss about you research. Just remember this.
Just a point for myself, to not give up and remember the end. Just like the second habit of highly effective people: Begin with the end in mind - Stephen Covey.
'You're not going to do admin work for the whole life, it's not going to bring you anywhere"- prof rumi.
Only research would take you higher and up. Remember that. Just remember that in times where you may feel loss about you research. Just remember this.
Just a point for myself, to not give up and remember the end. Just like the second habit of highly effective people: Begin with the end in mind - Stephen Covey.
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