This week, I feel so unmotivated to do anything. Usually I will do some work during the nighttime, but this whole week I keep on procrastinating everything..
I don't like to call stakeholders to request for data. I have to read and find tonnes of reference for the project.--> planning to write a conceptual paper for the policies of land public transport in Malaysia and get it published at least in Tier 1 or 2 ISI journal, so that I will get plus point to further my study.
I know procrastination is the thief of time, but I just don't know how to revive myself. I feel 'lemau', or maybe it's just my feeling and mind-set. I don't have much confidence in this field. I keep on feeling unsecured, not doing good enough. That's why I always post something that I feel motivated because of it so that I can always llook at it when I feel down.
Right now, I have got feedback for the first paper - zoo paper. I need to make lots of corrections:
1) change everything to present tense to make it standardize
2) review the comments and framework
3) edit the introduction, find and put some statistics
4) change evry quote
I will be the first author for this paper, collaborating with my ex-boss, he's a prof, 1 phd student, 1 lecturer and another 1 prof from uum. I feel sooo grateful to have a chance to publish a paper with my ex-boss. I was so impressed when I got the feedback for the paper that I wrote. He commented on every single thing that I wrote..
It's hard to find someone like him since most of the lecturer will just send the paper to editor for editing purpose. At that moment when I see the comments from him, I just feel so surprised and impressed that it quickly give me a sudden change in my mind. I know that I have to get him as my supervisor for PHd. Since I will be learning from 0, he's the right person to teach me and give comments for everything that I do.
Ok, back to story, this weekend I will try to keep back on the track. I don't wanna lose connection with dakwah and tarbiyah. I really hope I can be a better Muslim tomorrow. I will go to my first usrah after moving to KL from kelantan. I promise myself not to give up in this journey. It's full of thorns but I won't give up..
One of the reason I keep on blogging, is that it sort of gives me some motivation. A promise made by me, from my heart. I just don't want to be an ordinary person, I want to contribute to my deen, my community. I know the paragraphs are just unorganised, but who cares?
This blog is just for the sake of promising myself, to not give up for what am I doing now. This blog is about my promise, my dream, my experience, so that when I look back I can see myself from the past and see the progression that I have made.. The ups and downs throughout the journey. The more pain you have, the more you'll feel at ease and satisfaction when you manage to settle everything down.
I hope I would regain my confidence after my first paper has been published. Let's pray for the best to happen in future. I always admire the way my boss works, how fast she works.. I just wanna learn everything from her.
I think it's time to stop writing and start editing my paper now, so I could at least complete the correction partially. insya Allah, slowly but surely I can do it. Only Allah could repay the kindness given by the people surrounding me in the faculty. Some of them are really helpful, though some of them are not. But I just wanna remember those who help me through this journey. One day, I will be able to write their names in my thesis. insya Allah..