Unbearable

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

I don't know why my stress level is so high tonight. I can feel the butterflies non-stop flying inside. I just don't like it. My heart beats faster than usual and I wonder if my blood pressure is high currently. Blogging is one of my own way to cool down myself. I feel so much relieved after I write something on the blog and I hope no one is reading this.

I am so stress after today's conversation with le boss. My boss told me that she and the other RA are going international, and when is my turn to go for international level. With the current burden of work, plus that statement, I feel so depressed and sad at the same time. I need to publish my work, but I don't have much time to write since my writing speed is so slow. I need more solid time frame to focus and do my writing. I can't do writing in the office. :(( I need a peaceful and privacy to do my writing, which I usually do in the midnight.

Sometimes I just can't wait to finish the work and go off for 1 month holiday. I miss the time where I used to have so much free time. I just wanna drop off eveything and go for holiday.

How I wish I could make the time move faster, at the same time I wanna have 40 hours time per day, so i could handle everything.. :(( I know it's the matter of how you manage everything, but I know my limit. The current burden is unbearable, at least for me.

Allah.. time is the biggest constraint that I have as of now.

I can't imagine how my life looks like in 10 years time.

I just pray that Allah will grant me the patience to handle the work, plus the incoming masters studies in september.. may Allah eases everything.

I should update my CV of what I am doing now so later I feel so much at ease, knowing I didn't waste my time by being an RA.

Being in the pathway to be an academician, is a very challenging way and yet slow moving to the top.

Just be patient for another 2 years and I will finish everything off before pursuing Phd in UK. that's my target. Yes. I will get it before my age turns to 30.

Sometimes I feel like quitting but I know I can't, I love to teach and that is the only reason why I am still working to be an academician. I've been working for almost 9 months now and I know the beginning is always the hardest part of everything. I know I am still in the beginning year of my career, so just bear with it.

I need more pull and push factor to get me to the top, as soon as possible. I know that I can do this. It's just a matter of time.